As Good as It Gets

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Sound clips from As Good as It Gets

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NewYork.wav (94K)
Melvin: This is New York. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.
SweetHeart.wav (27K)
Melvin: Do you get me sweetheart?
Attitude.wav (45K)
Frank: I grew up in hell homeboy! My grandmother had more attitude.
Crotch.wav (44K)
Melvin: People who talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch.
Attitude2.wav (116K)
Melvin: What are you trying to intimidate me with the attitude? My grandmother has more attitude than you! Go shakedown a 711 for a day old wiener.
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LikeMe.wav (234K)
[to Verdell the dog]
Melvin: Don't be like me. Don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are 'cause you are a perfect man, and I'm going to take you home and get you something to eat.
AsItGets.wav (27K)
[to a group of depressed psychiatric patients]
Melvin: What if this is as good as it gets?
ShutUp.wav (53K)
Melvin: SHUT UP KIDS!
PissAnt.wav (150K)
[imitating Melvin (Jack Nicholson)] Simon: Well, here I am sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss ant mop? How about another ride down the chute?
Women.wav (101K)
Woman: How do you write women so well?
Melvin: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Crazy1.wav (161K)
Melvin: Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wana hump hump bar or is this getaway day, and your last shot at his whiskey. Sell crazy someplace else we're all stocked up here.
Crazy2.wav (65K)
Melvin: Sell crazy someplace else we're all stocked up here.
Shit.wav (33K)
Melvin: This place smells like shit.
Knees.wav (74K)
Melvin: No need to stop being a lady. You'll be back on your knees in no time.
BetterMan.wav (41K)
Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.
Serious.wav (36K)
Melvin: Think white and get serious!
Stiff1Eye.wav (68K)
Melvin: I'm afraid he might pull the stiff one eye on me.
Intro.wav (39K)
Melvin: Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.
Stories.wav (341K)
Melvin: Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad just no one in this car, but allot of people that's their story good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that your that pissed that so many others had it good.
Dance.wav (92K)
Carol: You want to dance?
Melvin: Well I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before.
Carol: And?
Melvin: No.
Never.wav (264K)
Melvin: Never, never interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face, because the stench is so thick you think your going to faint. Even then don't come knocking.
BrightLife.wav (270K)
[scene when Melvin performs "Bright Side of your Life" on the piano]
Nightmare.wav (180K)
Woman: You have no idea what your work means to me.
Melvin: What does it mean to ya?
Woman: That somebody out there knows what it's like to be in here.
Melvin: Oh God, this is like a nightmare.
HMO.wav (110K)
Carol: Fucking HMO bastards pieces of shit! I'm sorry.
Doctor: It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name.
NoSexOaths.wav (125K)
Melvin: Well, I'm sorry, but we don't open for the no sex oaths until 9AM.
Hug.wav (65K)
Melvin: Soak it up. It's your last chance for a hug for a few days.
Trip.wav (312K)
Melvin: I've got the whole trip programmed. [plays YMCA on the radio] I'm just kidding. I wanted to see what you'd do. No, seriously, we got good stuff here. [plays some Van Morrison]
Drowning.wav (153K)
Melvin: Look, you... I'm very intelligent, if your gonna give me hope you gotta do better than your doing. I mean, if you can't be at least mildly interesting then shut the hell up! I mean, I'm drowning here, and your describing the water!
LoveYou.wav (117K)
Simon: I love you.
Melvin: I tell you, buddy... I'd be the luckiest man alive if that did it for me.

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